I'm going to start by saying that in no way shape or form is this post intended to be me bragging or showing off or whatever. I've had people say and do just as many mean and horrible things to me in my life as any person, I just have chosen to look past those and brush them off my shoulder. This was something I wasn't ever able to do in the past, I'm a dweller. I dwell on the people who don't like me, analyze the possible reasons that they don't like me, and try to fix it.
I decided...to stop trying to make everyone like me. For one, it's flat out exhausting. Second, I finally realized, that it's as simple as...not everyone is going to like me, ever.
The past few years I've received some amazing e-mails, letters, notes, pictures...and more from people who I know, some who I don't...with words of encouragement and just some of the most flattering and nice things ever. I don't do this for the people in my own life enough, so I'm changing that.
In high school I struggled a lot to fit in, in my own way. I've never had a 'clique' or group of friends that understood me. I got made fun of and a lot of girls hated me. I was called a slut, I was told some of the most hateful things, but I did my best to never let it get me down. For the most part, it didn't.
Those who know me, and take the time to get to know me, know I have a HUGE heart and a lot of love and compassion for most people. I do my fair share of judging and I crack jokes that I shouldn't but I love everyone.
Two of the girls in high school who bullied me have since taken the time to acknowledge their hatred for me, and apologize. One happened to do so right after high school when I ran into her at a party. She was snorting coke, and I was so out of place and upset. She told me she was so sorry for everything she had said and done to me, and that she did all of this because she was jealous. Jealousy is powerful. Why she was jealous of me? I don't know. She told me I had so much going for me, and that I was beautiful and fun, and it truly changed my view of her. This person who took time everyday to laugh and gawk at me, was now showing her true colors. A drug-addicted lost soul who couldn't find her way. I'm not sure where she ended up in her life, but I hope she's doing big things. Her apology started changing my view of people, in a good way.
The second was a girl who hated me over a boy. A boy, really? She would wait for me by the doors at school, when I would walk in alone. I'd always walk with my head down hoping she wouldn't see me, and wouldn't say anything. One day she started swinging at me, trying to fight. I was humiliated beyond belief. She despised everything about me. Cops and counselors were involved, everyone in school knew who I was for all of the wrong reasons.
I ran into her a couple of years ago, and she took me aside and apologized. She said she's since become a Christian and was disgusted with the way she used to be. It put a smile on my face. I am truly so happy that God has become a part of her life, and she's now blessed with a husband and two wonderful children.
The past couple of weeks I recieved a few e-mails from people I don't talk to often...or well, ever. I'd like to share these e-mails with you, they made me feel proud to stick my ground, and to be who I am in a world full of people trying to be someone they aren't.
"....I just wanted to say in middle school I used to have a huge crush on you haha, and that you're so beautiful, don;t ever settle for any guy that doesn't treat you like a queen, you deserve to hear you're beautiful everyday!"
"...I know we really haven't talked or even known each other that well however from what I seen from you and the lil I seen in person you are one of the few respectable women left out there. You seem to have a bright future ahead + great looks...some man will eventually make you see why you've been in the situation & then I'll tell you... I told you so."
"I love reading your blogs. Very inspirational and im in the same situation! Not the breakup but all friends married, kids etc. But i just wanted to reach out to you and let u know itll be okay..."
"I've always admired and adored you. You are such an attractive woman, not only because you are absolutely beautiful but also because of your success and drive to succeed more to be the best person you can be. How even though I dont know you as well as I'd like I can tell that you are one of the few good girls out there. There a just as least good girls as guys and to be able to tell you're a good girl and for sure can be trusted and fun to be around is special. Also love how caring you are even to people that you don't know that well like myself. You aren't afraid of talking to people about their problems or giving advice or helping them out. You seem like the best friend anyone could ask for. You are a very unique, special, beautiful person .... Well, I hope this puts a smile on your pretty face!"
I mean seriously how amazing are these people? Men and women. People who take the time to write me and tell me to stay true to who I really am. YOU all inspire me. You are the most beautiful people and when I'm feeling sad, or sorry for myself for being stuck in a rut...these reminders keep me going. I'm so lucky, grateful, and blessed to have all of you amazing people supporting me every day of my life. I've prayed for all of you, individually...and I know all of you that send me these great things have the biggest hearts. Never change that.
So, with that, I'd like to say thank you, thank you, thank you.
I cannot thank you enough for the smiles and the love that I get from so many supportive people. Life isn't fair but God has definitely made sure to surround me with some of the most inspiring individuals.